My Mission For You:

Don't let #Doubt extinguish your #Sparks. Find the #Sparks you need to ignite your stories, dreams, and life.

Friday, May 30, 2014

Donovan's Deleted Scene

When I was editing Hurricane Crimes, I cut out the scenes from Donovan's point-of-view. Why? Because there weren't enough scenes from his point-of-view and I liked the idea of him being more mysterious. Let's just say I wanted to keep my readers in the dark when it came to Donovan Goldwyn. *wink* But there was one scene I hated eliminating, so I want to share it now.

This scene starts up immediately after Donovan goes into his brother's house alone.

NOTE: This isn't an edited version.

SPOILER ALERT!


Donovan’s eyes immediately went to the spot where he had seen his brother’s dead body. Two feet of water drowned the inside of the house, but his brother’s body was no longer there. He took a couple of sloshing steps into the living room.
     “Coming back to the scene of the crime? Do you think that’s wise, Goldwyn?
     He went still as one of the officers who murdered his brother emerged from behind a wall. His hands became fists. “What did you do with my brother?”
    “Buck and I threw him out like the trash he was.”
    “You son-of-a-bitch!” He lunged. His fists cracked into Chewy’s face one at a time. He felt Chewy’s nose snap beneath his knuckles and it felt good!
With blood drizzling from his nostrils, Chewy retaliated against Donovan by tackling him into the big screen television, and pummeling him with his fat hands. His breath dislodged from his lungs when one of Chewy’s fists collided into his gut and the other connected with the side of his rib cage.
Blow after blow kept oxygen from his lungs and rattled his ribs. He did the one thing he knew could cripple any man during a fight; he thrust his knee into Chewy’s family jewels.
Chewy’s beer-soaked breath blew out of his mouth in a gust, his enraged eyes widened, and he toppled to his knees with his hands cupping his manhood. 
Donovan doubled over too. He was breathless, his intestines burned, and his ribs creaked. He struggled to pull himself straight. When he did, he came level with the gun Chewy pointed at his chest. Instinct kicked in, prompting him to grab the lamp from the stand behind him and swinging it at Chewy’s outstretched arm.
The gun went off and a bullet dived into the television just an inch past Donovan’s shoulder. A fraction of a second later, the lamp flew into the wall, causing the delicate light bulb to explode and the base to crack, splitting the lamp in half.
The gun fell from Chewy’s hand and dived into the standing water. The two men wrestled dangerously as they each tried to get to it first, but then Chewy clobbered Donovan in the side of the head with a hefty fist.
Pain was a firework show beneath his eyelids. Lenses of pitch-blackness capped his vision as sparks of electricity exploded all over his skull. He crumpled to the ground. Chewy jumped onto him and pinned his shoulders, keeping him beneath the water. He lashed out with his arms, blindly attempting to hit Chewy. His legs kicked furiously, creating a turbulent sea above his head.
    His lungs were expanded and unmoving, holding hostage his collected breath. His brain screamed for oxygen. He opened his mouth and screamed beneath the water.

QUESTION: What did you think? :)


To find out what happens to Donovan (and Beth) you can read their short story. The ebook is $1.99 on Amazon.


36 comments:

  1. Sure seems to set the scene and gives off a lot of emotion, a really good scene indeed

    ReplyDelete
  2. I bet you had mixed emotions cutting a good action scene like that, but your rationale makes sense. I dealt with several of those "beer soaked breath" dudes back in the day--yuck...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really did have a hard time cutting out this scene because it's an important one right at the climax of the story.

      Delete
  3. Will this make it to the Blu Ray Special edition?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Great action! Very suspenseful! A fight scene in water, very creative. I like that you are holding back getting inside Donovan's head. I think that does add some mystery. The reader can also decipher much from his actions and body language. Nice work, Chrys!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Lisa! And I'm glad you understand why I chose not to use his POV. :)

      Delete
  5. Sometimes we have to cut scenes we love for the overall benefit of the story. This was very tense and action packed. Great piece.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, we do. I'm glad you liked it, Suzanne.

      Delete
  6. Happy to read some of your writing! Thanks for sharing. I usually save my deleted scenes, thinking I may have made a mistake by deleting them, but I never end up looking back. Guess we have to trust our instincts...we're deleting for a reason, such as the ones you mentioned.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We do delete for a reason, but it's still go to keep those deleted scenes for special little insights like this that a reader may enjoy. :)

      Delete
  7. *shiver* Dude. That was good. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yay! I'm so happy to give you shivers, Loni! :D

      Delete
  8. I loved how you shared this scene with us, Chrys. It actually gave me an even deeper look into Donavon's relationship with his brother and how much he loved him.
    Making the decision to cut certain scenes is a tough one. I know I have a lot to consider when I'm going over the many edits I will be approaching!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cutting scenes should never be taken lightly. Nor should adding them, because I have done that, too. It has to be done for the good of the story, like Suzanne commented above. :)

      For the sequel of Hurricane Crimes, I delve deeper into Donovan's relationship with his brother. And this time . . . I'm adding Donovan's POV, not taking it out. ;)

      Delete
  9. It sounds like the right choice. Definitely there are times when it makes the book much stronger to tell things from one POV. In fact, all of my books are from one POV now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For Hurricane Crimes, I definitely felt like it was the better choice to do one POV. But for the sequel I'll be including both Beth's and Donovan's perspectives. :)

      Delete
  10. I loved Hurricane Crimes. It's one of those stories you want to read again and again. The deleted scene did pack a lot of emotion. Now I'll have to go read the story again? SEE?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Shirley! Your comment means a lot to me. I love knowing someone would want to read it again and again. :D

      Delete
  11. That was a pretty brutal intense action scene. If it didn't add much to the story then I could see deleting it, but based on the scene on its own the story sounds interesting.

    Lee
    What is the best short story ever written?
    Tossing It Out

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Arlee. Brutal and intense was what I was going for. ;)

      Delete
  12. I enjoyed Hurricane Crimes and also liked this deleted scene. Although this is tense and action packed, I think making the cut was a smart decision. Your story was stronger for the edit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Ashantay! And it's nice to know that someone who enjoyed my ebook agrees that cutting out this scene made my story stronger. :)

      Delete
  13. This was an intense scene! It is difficult to cut scenes, but I agree that having one point of view works better most of the time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. One point-of-view was the better choice for this story of mine, but sometimes two can be better for other stories.

      Delete
  14. Sorry, Chrys. I can't tell you what I thought—mostly because I saw the word spoiler and threw my hands up to cover the screen. LOL I do want to say hello, though. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL That's okay, Carrie! I'm happy you stopped by though. :D

      Delete
  15. Wow, this was super intense. We have good reasons for deleting scenes, although this is a great one.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Sorry you had to cut this scene, it's tense! Tess Gerritsen in the Surgeon has very few but well-dosed scenes in the bad guy's POV (I know Donovan is not the bad guy here, I was just making an example of switches in POV), and I really enjoyed the different perspective. I guess that was the main reason why I decided to keep an alternative POV in my book. I know some poeple hate it, but other readers actually enjoyed it, so... you've got to tell the story you feel it's best :-) Thanks for sharing, enjoyed the scene!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have worked with two POV switches before. The sequel to Hurricane Crimes actually has both Beth's and Donovan's perspectives, but Hurricane Crimes is only 50 pages long and there wasn't enough in Donovan's POV, so my editor and I agreed it would be better to remove this scene. Thanks for stopping by, EE!

      Delete
  17. That was thrilling! Whoa! And I want to know if he makes it.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I like the mysterious characters the most. It keeps me guessing.

    ReplyDelete

Please tell me what you think. I love to chat! :)

Popular Posts!

Join!

Follow!